the journey

The holiday excursion is a long one. It seems yearly, our vacation consists of jaunts back and forth to one or the other family. Not that that is so bad, but when you consider all the complaining our family does about never taking that much needed vacation, all I have to do is remind them that this is it, baby! And it isn’t cheap to do. Is it obligatory? Well – I think in some way it can be. Is the pilgrimage out of love? Well – certainly we feel the love or we wouldn’t start the engine. Whether the feeling is mutual, well, I guess we can only hope. However, at this very moment, after almost 7 hours in the car, I am wishing for a rather soft king size bed, a bit of TV, a window open to the ocean or mountains, with a soft warm breeze coming in. And the promise of warm weather when the sun comes up. I guess I can always dream.

It is abysmal – dark and damp outside for the 26^th of December in BC. And when I say dark, I mean pitch black outside and it’s only 6:39 PM – prairie time. Meaning – it’s really an hour earlier where we’ll eventually end up.

Elvis, or rather, Elvis lives on ions after his death, is playing on the satellite radio. God bless XM. My husband would be lost without it. I have my headphones jammed down my ear canals listening to Thievery Corp and miss Mary is watching Zombie something. A comedy with a lot of bad language in the back seat of our Supercab. We have fresh Starbucks coffee at our fingertips and are just 45 minutes from the line the separates our past life from our current one.

Holidays. I do love Christmas. But where did it go this year? And what happened that it flew past me so quickly I know I didn’t feel it coming. Nor did I expect the day to pass so quickly. I always send out cards and a yearly letter that pokes fun at our very normal Norbom family life. But this year, it just didn’t happen. In fact, I love to creatively wrap everything that leaves my home. But this year? Just a lot of not so great wrap jobs and those tacky bow-in-a-bag ribbons. I was rather ashamed of myself. Everyone received lovely gifts so at the very least, my thoughtfulness in choosing the right present for each recipient hasn’t left me.

I am noticing the smell of southern BC. One of my favorite smells – wood burning fireplaces warming the homes of those fortunate enough to live in the woods out here. You can see homes lining the local lake in the darkness and the odd Christmas light. Did you know that the tradition of Christmas Lights all stems from the birth of Jesus? Many lights lit the pathway to the manger and to celebrate, early Christians lit candles to celebrate the birth of their Savior. The trivia of this season, in particular, always fascinates me.

This year I will dedicate myself to becoming a healthier me. Slow and with baby steps. I am sad at how arthritis has affected my ability to be quick and agile. It isn’t like me to drag along. I am a quick stepped, highly motivated lady and I certainly do not feel my age mentally. But my body aches. My knees ache. My shoulder spasms and my neck and back are arthritic along with the all important knee joints. I have swimming and cycling in my immediate future. Gotta lubricate these joints. Not to mention better eating habits and a hopeful 40 pound weight loss. I am determined and hopeful that getting the weight in check will not only improve my joint function but my overall attitude towards myself. My daughter teaches me many lessons in self-esteem and I am pretty solid in the fact that I am a decent person with a caring heart. I also know that my job as her mother is the most important task I will every undertake. So it is important for me to smarten up and model better behavior. Apathy has been the word of late and I am getting sick of viewing myself that way. Especially when it is in my control to change. Few things really are.

Oh, there is that blessed smell again. Love it.

You know, I have never been one to value or even enjoy any form of exercise. I actually hate it. I am not sure quite why because I admire athleticism in others. I celebrate it. And I often wish it could be me achieving such levels of personal greatness. But whenever I attempt to find that greatness in me, it is a sure set up for failure. I simply wasn’t built to be a uber athlete. It is just not my talent. But I do have secret ambitions of being a long distance runner, expert skier or even an  awesome endurance cyclist. I think the last wish is the most achievable at this point in my life. So I am going to give this over 50 body a good old college try. And I will have to remember that I will fail many times before I succeed. I can do this. I know I can.

As the year rounds out to a close, I must say that the years of dedication to my child have paid off in spades. She is an amazing young woman. I certainly am proud of her. There are things I don’t understand that I attribute to those years of teenage bliss. You know – the ones where everything teenager is more important than life itself. But she is an achiever. She has a good head on her shoulders. When she thinks I’m not listening, I catch her talking about being a good person and loving all things bright and beautiful. She has a deep appreciate for the love we share and I am beginning to believe (and at the very least hopeful) that our relationship will endure the natural separation that happens when your child flies free to live their own life. I think she will stay close in the ways that matter until she feels safe and secure in herself. Perhaps that magic career after college, or an amazing opportunity to be the person she always dreamt she’d be. It’s my job to get her there and I try. But it’s bittersweet because as every mother knows, you just never really want them to leave. Having her close is such a gift. So I don’t ever want her too far away.

I am a good mother that way. Many hold their children too close. They have expectations of their children that are their own. And they push to be close. They don’t guide, they teach. There is a vast difference. I am a believer in character and integrity over high grades. That a person who displays compassion and goodness, with balanced thinking, is invaluable to the world in whatever profession they choose. I do model all of that well. I pray she embraces it fully when she leaves her teenage years. At the very least remembers most of it.

She is loving and sweet. She is my heart. And I am incredibly proud of her. She’s awesome.

Every time I look up to the road I see the mirage of wandering animals. I search for the reflection of their eyes in the headlights. It is far better for me to keep my head down. Harming animals, no matter the fault, is sad to me.

So what do I wish for next year? Happiness and laughter in my home. I lot of laughter! Good health for all of my family. A husband that finally realizes that in throwing things out, prosperity comes in.  A child who continues to thrive and find happiness in everything she does. A love that endures in our family. Security in our financial endeavors. Continued enjoyment of my chosen work. For me – the most important change will come with better health through my taking personal responsibility on every level. I didn’t get here overnight and some things I cannot control. But I really must do what I can.

We back across the line. And it feels good to be home again.