I have the perfect place in my new home where there is quiet and solitude. In it, i can meditate. Breathe and feel peacefulness for the first time in a long time. And comfort knowing that I have taken care of everything in my past. Left no debts behind. Left a million hugs and all the love I had to share, embracing those who truly loved me. And who I truly loved. Come clean with every secret I held inside; all of my fears, my doubts, my need to feel cared for, my desired to be appreciated. I guess we all hold these wishes as true on one level or another. My definitions were askew and God intervened through others to lead me on a path of clarity and peace. And with that, I feel released and free. I feel better than I have in years. I owe no one anything. No explanations. Because I have taken care of what is closest to me. Of those who deserve my truth and honesty. My love and faithfulness. It doesn't mean there is sheer bliss - I don't know that there ever will be. Honestly, I have come such a long way considering where I once was. The best part is being forced to realize what I believed I needed wasn't really what I needed at all. I needed to find that deeper part of me.
I have defined myself in so many ways. A mother's abused child, a father's beloved daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother and a friend. A real friend. And what has never wavered is that I believe in the power of love. That love has held me during my worst of times and brought be the greatest of joys. It affects every iota of who I am - every part of my conscious decision making process. If there is no love, then there is no relationship. No reason to be part of anything larger than me. We are all conceived in love - at least ideologically - it should be that way. I wasn't but I also wasn't sucked into a sink. So on some level there was a love that carried me through and protected me to be born. Because I had a purpose I only now am seeing so much more clearly.
I love being the age I am now. Because I am right where I want to be. I control my destiny. God holds the key and wants to see me fulfill my potential. And I will. In listening to the silence, I will be reunited with my soul. My self. And I will find that path that fulfills me until my God calls me home.
