my group. my support.

I have to say, when things shifted in the group, I wasn't sure how I could go back. Would it feel the same? Would I be shunned because I did spend my energy in more of one direction? I care completely for all the people in the group. And not unlike them, I feel closer to some than others. However, my fear was that this may have felt transparent to some and that they would be snarky when I came back because they knew I had a unique friendship with one of the members. 
I guess it could have been any one of them really. But this person and I shared interests and wit. We bounced ideas off each other, laughed at each other's jokes and had compassion for our unique vulnerabilities - which were actually the same. I encouraged his wellness and he encouraged mine. 
I must admit, the first time back felt odd. Because he vanished in thin air. How do I explain this to the others? I chose not to explain anything except to retell the story he shared the last time we attended group. I told all of them that if they wanted information, they could call him themselves. I needed distance. Time to put the abandonment of my friendship, the disregard of my feelings and complete lack of gratitude for my kindness behind me. 
It has now been over three weeks and I walk into the group, with new members that I know and love and the original group who have been loving and supportive and know it would have been so much harder without them. They know me. I have been real with them. And they have been real back. It has been honest and real. What I thought was, wasn't. I thought wasn't, is. What an incredible lesson I have learned.
This event in my life has changed me. I won't be so quick to believe so completely and give so freely ever again.
But I am still all about love and goodness. I was authentic. I was honest. I spoke my truth. And I did nothing wrong to deserve to be punished. So my values have not and will not change. 
So just as these amazing people who walk life's mental health journey with me validate my feelings as authentic, I thank them with gratitude for their love and support. Just the simple gesture of silence. Being heard. And that is real love. They care. And it is real. They want to spend their time with me.   
And they are modeling, by example, what recovery really is.
I'll get there guys. I promise.