I started the day on a great high. Happy moving through the ordinary bland motions of my day. Perhaps it has a lot to do with the weight that is falling off this overweight body. I could barely eat anything tonight. I did have some salmon and a salad. But I couldn't eat anything else. I am losing my taste for food. I hope it lasts. Because I have a lot of weight to lose and I really would like to be thinner to go skiing this winter. Even if it only means fitting "nicely" into my tight ass Bogner ski suit.
I will say it right now - my best "ass"et is my sway back and what young teenagers now call your bootay! I have an African American shaped ass when I am smaller and I like it. So it will be glorious to shop for some sexy jeans again. I have tossed everything out. I am determined to get myself something awesome - maybe Miss Me's. I really want a pair of those for sure.
And maybe a black leather jacket and new crisp white blouse. And maybe a short Meg Ryan haircut. Lots of product. A whole new makeover. Yeah - that sounds great! I deserve it. And new lipstick!
My figure is truly much like a tube. Always has been. No boobs. No waist. No hips. An Abercrombie and Fitch girl for sure (only not at THIS SIZE). I am not excited to lose my chest however it is a good trade off if I lose the waist and hips for sure. Especially because of the potential health problems I face. Can't wait to have the jeans hang off my hips with a belt. And wear my little black bodysuits and ball caps again.
I wonder if I can get away with that at almost 50? Hmmmm. Guess I will have to see what my face looks like once the weight is gone. If I am sagging everywhere, I might not be able to pull it off. I so wanted to lose this weight before 50. I mean - I have all these marvelous plans for throwing a grand party for my bestest friend in the universe Barb, and I. Now she thinks she won't be able to come because her son has enlisted and she has to fly to God knows where to see him. I absolutely understand. I'd be freaked if my kid joined the US Armed Forces. Doesn't matter what division - they get sent out and tangled up in everything. It is pretty scary. However, it does put a damper on disco party plans. I mean - what about the Bee Gees and KC & the Sunshine Band? I simply can't do it alone. I have friends here turning 50 but it isn't the same. Just isn't the same at all. We'll see.
I have some blue Levi cords in my closet I love and can't wait to wear. It is kind of exciting thinking about the possibilities. I will be a whole new me. At least on the outside.
And then what? That is the scariest part. I'll look good but will I feel good? Not so sure. Am definitely worried about that because it isn't going to change a lick some of the issues I am dealing with personally and currently in my life. I guess I will never know unless I try. So I am going to give it my college best effort. God please help me reach my goal. Friends please help me reach my goal. I don't need any sabotage now. I really want to have the willpower to get there and I need it from all of you. I won't live much past 55 if I don't get started now and my daughter deserves to have her mother HERE.
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