I would pray for good health for myself and my partner. I would pray for the strength to care physically and emotionally for my partner to fulfill their last life's wish. I would wish for peaceful and content companionship. I would also pray for healthy self esteem and love to surround me. That would be the greatest blessing. I would be thrilled to simply be able to sit and talk. To just hold hands and look into each other's eyes. To live with absolute honesty. And I mean I would want a real emotional connection where you are able to explore each small wonder of your partner. Lots of touching - exploring - every little piece of your partner's puzzle. God willing, you'd have time. You create that "bucket list" and you work together to make your life's dreams, simple as they may be, come true. I would cultivate laughter and joy. To wake up with a smile in the morning and never go to bed mad, hurt or sad. To take long bubble baths and playful showers. I would work to create little surprises, offerings of love every day - many little gifts in many different ways. Small notes. Cards. Any way to bring that glorious smile to the surface. Surprize post-it notes.
My partner would never want. Because he would be so happy to come home to me. I just know it. Because of who I am.
Laying on the couch watching movies and television together. Embracing each other's hobbies. Maybe a little hiking.
A cabin in the woods. A travel trailer searching out the countryside. A condo in the city - with a glorious view. Where you could venture to the farmer's market. Or spontaneously go for a coffee or a lovely dinner. It really wouldn't matter - just somewhere safe where one could enjoy culture or the beauty of the outdoors. Savor the aroma of the pines or the smell of the city.
I would learn to be a better cook. I would practice making meals for my partner - or let him help me screw them up. Making breakfast in bed. Reading the Sunday NY Times. Or in a snowstorm, watching movies in bed for the entire day.
I would embrace my daughter and her family. Love any child and their families that would come into my life as if they were my own. The larger the family, the more love that surrounds you. I know how much I love my child so I have little doubt I would truly be the best grandparent ever.
I would recreate romance - embrace the youth I lost. And put all my energy into loving completely the blessing God gave me. I would make up for all the time and painful memories of past pain and hurt and know that I could send that person home to God knowing that they didn't miss one moment of love they truly deserved. And I would hope in the giving, it would be natural for it to come back to me.
Is it OK to be a bit selfish and ask to be someone's treasure? That if I could give in every way, and through praise and encouragement give even more, could I be loved and taken care of like I mattered to someone? I have never really felt I mattered to anyone except myself and my daughter. Truly. I think it just comes from being strong and independent and feeling fearful of giving up control and turning over trust because my life has been a constant series of broken promises.
I have said it before, I believe if you give more to your partner than yourself and they do the same, then how can it not be incredibly beautiful and work magnificently?
You know - you can always dream can't you?... and when you wish upon a star (as my father would say) your dreams do come true.
2 comments:
But why do we have to grow old to wait to enjoy these things? Usually commitments to young family members we couldn't bear to leave with another former spouse even for part of our daily lives. We have to endure, suffer, and outlast the years until the children go off to university before we can do what we know is best for us. For our mind, our heart our very soul.
Life wasn't this way when we first met our spouse. Life was exhilerating and spontaneous. Passionate and exciting. And then it became routine and mundane. Just getting by. Day by day. Nothing either one tried to respark the romance and attraction had any positive effect at all. Missteps, hurt feelings, miscommuncations, etc. Bad situation.
So growing old has the same in store for me in my current relationship. I won't settle for that. What you describe is the very thing I believe all of us crave whether we are young or old. It's just a lovely situation to look forward to in our fading years isn't it?
Who are you? I like the way you think.
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