Well I thought the previous writing was quite wonderful in many ways. Most of us come from wounded places and certainly we carry these wounds forward no matter how much we feel we have addressed our inner pain. I see it clearly in myself.
I have given the gift of time to clear these issues and I am making myself a promise to deal with them as best I can. I want to move forward in my relationships from the healthiest place I can be. Writing helps me clear a lot. But I have to put the words into more action. I need to narrow down all of the things I do in my life to only a select few I can concentrate on so I can be fully present for myself. I need to honor me to be better for anyone including you. You can't give love if you don't hold love in your heart. I do disagree with the sex part however, because that isn't an addiction for me. It is the ultimate expression of love. In order for me to fully love, it is a huge part of the equation.
I am just laughing - I have the music so loud I didn't hear the phone ring and message. I love it when my body is fully involved in rhythm. Someday Wendy, you will have that fabulous drum set again.
So there it is.
I am listening to some beautiful Michael Jackson music - just an instrumental album of his. I love modern symphonic melodies for sure. I wish I had that level of talent to be able to create gorgeous prose. Interestingly enough, my mind can separate all the melody lines while they play so transposing this to manuscript would be easy. I do have music gifts I don't fully appreciate. I did buy some sheet music the other day to learn. I need to honor the need for more music into my life. So maybe some lessons. A new instrument of some sort. Maybe I'll finally learn to play my hammered dulcimer? It's more than time.
Lots of music - dance music - rhythmic music - at my funeral. If I can preplan it - it is going to be one fabulous party and celebration. So loud it takes all the pain and suffering away. Hey Jen - we gotta get working on this honeybunch?!
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