boxes

It occurred to me quite by chance tonight that life is a series of boxes. I think I have mentioned in a previous blog that I felt as though I was being released from a box that had kept my feminine spirit locked up for many, many years. In unlocking that box, I feel freer and happier than I have in many years. But what just hit me is that I have stepped into a new box! This box has limitations to it as well where I cannot be free to be myself. I have a new set of rules. So in a strange sort of way, I have traded boxes or moved quietly back and forth from one box to another. I can't believe it myself.
So where is the open space I am looking for? Where is the freedom to be loved and cared for like I deserve? Does that exist? Or do I have to live in a box to for someone to love me?
Logic would tell me no Wend, you do not have to live in the confines of anything, most especially that which is outside of your control. I mean, if you want to live in a box, I guess that is a choice you make consciously or subconsciously. I am really sick of following rules to experience any kind of reciprocated love. On the other hand, I totally grasp the need for rules so that everything ends up on the best possible footing. Schizophrenic thinking again. Crazy making.
Shit. Why does it have to be so hard to figure this out? Because hearts and heads are different species. One uses logic. The other uses emotion. And guess which I operate from.
Baaaaaahhhhh
Well it would be the heart. And anyone who knows me knows that. It's all about love. Truly.
So now where does that put me? And how do I work this out in my head?
I need to go to bed. I can't think straight to even blog about it.