ouch

Why is the people we love the most have the least patience, tolerance, understanding and compassion with us? Someone wise once told me that the safest place to show your angst, anger and rage is with the person you love because they will never leave you. Do you really believe this is true?  Certainly for children it is because they test all the boundaries of loving walls we create. But when we fall in love with a partner it is our expectation of mutual love, adoration, respect and understanding that keep us from this behavior. We simply don't understand this when it happens and likewise don't accept this type of behavior from them. It is just not the sign of a loving relationship to inflict pain on the person you say you love so dearly. I really believe this. And of course, it does not model good behavior for the children to watch at all. Now we are all guilty of it. I don't know a single couple that doesn't get royally pissed off at their partner and act out. I know I have. I get so infuriated I have to walk out. Often drive for a long while and breathe deeply to release my rage. I rarely act out physically - I have thrown things when I am alone but only once or twice. Never hit a partner. I have used foul language which I think is despicable. 
Not having ever felt safe to express anger, I find it much easier to cry and isolate. But I know I can get mad. And then my patience goes out the window pretty darn fast. Really fast. 
It always make me sad when I witness or hear about couples hurting each other. Maybe that is because I live in my own world of silent pain that I keep pretty close to the vest. I was in a relationship once with a man I truly loved who always questioned me and my thoughts. I really felt I could never say or do much right that did not hurt his feelings. It was certainly trying for me at times and manifested itself in physical responses such as choking with tears, lack of sleep and vomiting (which if you knew me you'd know I dislike a lot).
Why do we want to hurt each other? Why don't we want to put our partners before ourselves? If we all did this don't you think it would be like heaven for everyone? We get bored in relationships I guess. Tired of the lull of the relationship and then too stubborn to be the one to make the effort to change. It's funny because when we do, not only do things shift for the other person but our lives are further enhanced and more beautiful because of it. I am completely guilty of all of the above in spades. It's funny how I can see it clearly but practicing it is much harder.
We all invest so much in loving partnerships and marriages. Why are they worth the work? We say the vows and then do our level headed best to forget them when we get angry. We think about our selfish needs and do our best to punish our lover. And then, like anything else, we inflict pain that will never be forgotten. 
As I have said once and will say again, life is about love. Truly. When you don't have love, you're lost. When you have love - there is nothing better than coming home. And home is a place I yearn to belong.