does anyone actually read this thang?

So I am blogging tonight about a precious new group of friends I have made who understand my journey to wellness. A lot of people are aware of my struggles - some more intimately than others. Most of your know that I am a closet writer - ghost writer - and this is an appropriate way for me to express my feelings. So I am blogging about it and maybe some of you - who have a new awareness to my form of expression - may find your way here and feel my gratitude. 
It has always been interesting to me how when you open a door, even when very afraid, that wonderful things walk through it. Not only people but experiences, feelings, opportunities - some good and some not so good. The not so good, for me, tends to be what comes up when I open the door to let my feelings enter. And if you know me well, I will do anything to not let the feelings in. Hence - an incredibly busy life. Locks on the doors most days.
My psychologist once told me that my childhood life felt to her like being strapped into a movie theatre chair watching German concentration camp movies over and over again. It is interesting to me how I can easily shove those feelings aside. Pretty it all up with a vase of flowers. I very easily diminish the pain and deep wounds it left on me that have taken years to heal. I still wear band-aids.
So - distracted again - I opened the door. I took a risk to find others who understand my pain. The wounds that come when you have no where to take your confusion and angst. And in walked a variety of beautiful human souls. All on journeys to wellness. To feeling complete, whole, trustworthy, loved and valued. To know they are simply enough and beautiful just as they are. All of us looking for some form of support and validation. What a tremendous gift to be surrounded by people who really feel. They really FEEL their emotions. The level of sensitivity is high. Just as mine always has been. We understand the depth and breadth of the human experience. We feel the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. And I think (and I am whispering this gently) that we are all genius in the compassion department on some level. We get it. We get what it's like to suffer. We get what it's like to feel ostracized for simply being who we are. For trying to manage our lives and our pain in unconventional ways. We have lived it. Birthed it. Tried to kill it. And now we accept it.
So to these wonderful people I say thank you with much gratitude. I feel like I have come home to something more special than I ever imagined. Your gifts to me are invaluable. And I feel blessed.