Half-Pint

I have always been interested in Melissa Gilbert. As a child, I wanted to be Laura Ingalls. It was as though I could pretend that Michael Landon could be my father. He played the perfect dad; a moral compass, a loving family man and one who cared deeply, showing his emotions in an honest manner. As I have grown, I've read enough to know that he was not who he portrayed and that as I have done many times before with other people I've admired, I put him on a pedestal of adoration no human being could ever live up to. It was interesting to read that Melissa felt the same way about him. She had, however, his physical presence so her relationship was real. Mine was simply pretend.

I also knew Melissa was adopted like me. I always wondered how that felt to her - and to her birth parents considering she had become so well known. The answer was as baffling to me as was my own meeting with my birth mother. Inconsequential, foreign, unfulfilling. She found that it took looking into the eyes of her son to bring her that feeling of not being alone in this world, just as my brother Randy had when I met him. Randy and I were so completely alike on so many levels; however we chose different paths to cope with our family of origin and self esteem issues.

Melissa's life went on to parallel mine is so many similar ways. Her relationships, self sabotage, acceptance of behavior that was wrong in people she believed loved her, inability to love herself fully, giving herself away on so many levels and finally, healthfully, choosing to work with children who are dying. This is the exact career I would chose if I were able to live in an area where I could be of benefit in this way. In reading it, I noticed that in many ways, it felt like a blueprint of my life. I missed all the fame and fortune thankfully. I could never have coped with life in a bubble. That would be the people pleaser in me. But in reading her story, I came to see that truly, the answer in life, is self acceptance and self love. In giving to yourself, you are able to give back so much more. I was moved by all that it took for her to get there. I feel blessed that I have that foundation already. So it was nice to "meet" another similar soul moving through life possessing those same feelings over similar experiences. I guess even if you aren't related it doesn't really matter. Our life experiences and what we can share with others freely and lovingly, means we'll never be alone. Adopted or not.

Thank you Melissa.