reaching

I honestly don't know if I am strong enough to survive this agony. I am in pieces tonight. I need to stay honest and purge honestly. The height of this financial mountain feels so overwhelming. I know it's "only money" but I am not sure how to survive it. I feel exhausted and tired. Worn out like a rag. How is it that we are told that we make too much but can't even meet expenses let alone pay our mortgage?
I feel like a complete and utter failure. I am so sorry Kami. I have failed you. I can't even pay for your school. I have failed my marriage. I have failed at work. My health has failed me. And I am trying so hard. So so hard. With every ounce of strength that I have. I keep on trying. And I'll keep trying until I haven't the strength to carry on any longer. I am praying for help. I work hard to be of service. I am running uphill in sand.
I am sending out my hand to the universe. I am on my knees praying for God to direct me in whatever direction we need to go to alleviate this pain. To hold us together. To keep us alive to see this through. Please show us a rainbow. Lead us to the light. Heal us. I know we have more than learned this lesson.