Teamwork

I was recently reminded of a successful team effort - or rather a partnership - I have been putting all my love and energy into for the past several months. What gifts I have been given in that regard. And certainly the gifts I have chosen to share. It is interesting when you mirror your partner.  It is like staring at a different looking person that is really reflected back at you.  So I have plenty of my own self doubt, doubt about even deserving the possibilities, disbelieve in being able to achieve my destiny and living my truth - and I see it looking right back at me. The same fear in the eyes. The heavy pounding of the heart. The yearning. All of our joint efforts work when we are present to validate each other. But when we are apart - the doubt sets in again and fear overwhelms. Dumbfounded. Confused. Like being five years old living at home again.
We know what we want. We know whom we love. We know who we are. We know what we deserve. And we simply want the strength and belief in ourselves to get there. It doesn't feel like asking a lot. It is really about living what we deserve.
At the very least in all of the abuse I have endured in my life, my father taught be to fight for what is right. To fight for what you love. And I sat with him endlessly while he told me about all the abuse he suffered at the hands of my mother. I will not live this kind of live. Period.
My life is more than 1/2 over. I am working hard to be a better person. I am scared out of my bloody mind at the thoughts of change that are coming for me. I am scared to look at my body in the mirror because it isn't the one who can hide. The more I lose, the better I look. The more I fear being bothered and hurt by others.
I have put endless effort into empowering complete strangers and newfound family to find their voice. To know that God created them to live their Divinity. That it isn't about that person. It is about love. God wanting you to fulfill what you were put here to do and be loved in the process. I have said that angels come so infrequently with their blessed gifts. Living with intention, being mindful of each moment, feeling pure joy in every breath. That is what I want.
So what brings about the worst in me? Or perhaps in my mirror?
Well it is a simple word.  It is fear. Plain and simple fear. It walks hand in hand with me everyday. It's tentacles are wrapped around my heart and choke the very breath from mu lungs. I can become so afraid of my own truth and doubt my ability to follow through and I will manifest it in sheer terror.
So my new year's resolution is to get all the therapy I need to empower myself to a better me. And bring that to my mirror. And I will empower my mirror to do the same. In that team effort, a new success will be born. And in time, and in wellness, and in the building of self esteem and elimination of abusive self chatter - we will endure and clearly me and my mirror will walk away stronger for it.