One of my most favorite autumn pastimes is to sit in our outdoor hot tub. I do this silently - late late at night. The middle of the night sometimes. It is my little secret really.
Because I live in a progressive mountain community, there are a variety of ordinances put in place to ensure dark night skies and very limited noise pollution. Actually, at night, it is pretty close to dead silent. You can only hear a faint few sprinklers going - a strange sound because most have been blown out to prevent freezing. It's getting bloody cold for sure.
The air carries the aroma of moist evergreens and the hint of burning wood. People lay warm and cozy in slumber.
And so I tiptoe out into the cold and across the grass. Crunch crunch under my feet... gently lifting the vinyl lid. Easing into the 106 degree water, I feel enveloped with warmth. It is like a comforting hug. And I feel held by something much larger than can be dreamt.
It is then, I can look up into the ink black sky and see the brilliant dance of the stars. The blinking satellites slowly moving around the earth. The fading tails of comets... shooting stars flying by. I make a wish. Another wish. And then another. It is at that moment I feel the grace of simplicity and how truly small I am within the enormous universe surrounding me.
Each star represents a soul to me. A soul departed but still twinkling with life, reminding me that I am never alone. And the universe, the heavens above, are the playground of souls burning ever bright. A warmth of reminisce. Comforting nostalgia.
It is a time I can connect with physical love lost and reconnect with emotional love held. There is no exchange of words. Call it a feeling. Very intimate. Just between me and the people I miss in the deepest parts of my heart.
It is also a time I connect with others who know not that I care so deeply. I envision them and send them the love I feel for them. My gratitude for their place in my life and how they have touched me. And my wish that we could spend a moment in time together laughing and sharing this vapor of a life.
I think it really is the time that I feel closest to God. And I converse silently with what His desires are for me. It is subtle and simple. And it confirms my path or directs me to other thoughts that lead me to new directions.
I don't sit still or find quiet much in my life. It is easier for me to be busy helping others to avoid my own pain, disappointment and sadness. But in this night time respite, I do find my peaceful center and with gratitude, the opportunity to appreciate the gift of my very presence in this beautiful world.
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