Thanks and Giving

Anyone who thinks 2009 has been an easy year, hasn't faced the challenges met by me and my family. Sure, more often than once in a great while, I will feel my eyes well up when trying hard to maintain my outward strength and composure. It can be hard when you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.

The greatest lessons I have learned have all come from the most difficult times in my life. It seems that unendingly, the facade that I called my life was slowly dissembled in front of me. How could that not hurt? I truly believed that once I became settled in the US, I had revealed my authentic self. Ii think a big part of me was really authentic. However, I still chased the same dreams all of us do. I wanted to replace the creature comforts of my life back in Canada. The problem with this was that to do it meant 4 X the amount of money and work.

I took it all on like a trooper. Working hard to regain what we lost financially when we sold and converted our funds and retirement. We still had a long way to catch up but still time. Kami was only 9 and there were years before college.

Then crash. Hours cut at work. Side work over. Unable to pay all our bills. Scholarship for Kami removed. More hours cut. Can't pay second mortgage. Mookie died. Bank ceased by FDIC. Retirement all but wiped out by bank takeover. Gary had a stroke. Medical bills over the roof,

Sometimes it feels unending. Definitely overwhelming. Unceasing. No resolve. No end yet. Hidden stress and fear.

So here we are in November. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I must say that I am counting the days until we reach that special day. It is one more bend in the road of this year until I climb up the mountain to descend the summit at Christmas time. And I am looking forward to sharing our love with my friend Judy and her family.

November and December bring Thanks and Giving. A giver like myself's most favorite time of year. Don't bother with a present for me. Just let me watch your eyes sparkle when you open the one I especially chose for you. In that moment, I have tried to connect with your inner spirit and I hope you see the thrill in my eyes when you open something I choose especially for you.  A lot of thought goes into your gift.  And in that, I feel the true spirit of love between you and I.  The comfort in my hearts boils over and I feel the real purpose of my life here.  To love.  To share.  To be loved.