Birthdays...

My birthday just passed (thanks...) & it's got me thinking. There is some debate in my mind about whether we should celebrate birthdays by numbers. I was watching a show, albeit shallow, about how men have no interest in women over 30. Of course, a generalization. Another show, where "cougars" are the rage. For all who have no idea what a cougar is, it would be a wise, cunning & experienced wildcat that attacks it's younger prey. In this case, the "cougar" would be an older woman. Men have dated younger women for years. One of my dearest friends husbands just left her (she is 20 years younger than he) for another woman who is 40 years younger than he. Now my friend is what I would consider to be a perfect package in all respects. So this really was a tad bit shocking.

Just to clarify, I think it is worth noting that women are judged more harshly on their looks than men as they age.

OK - so the way I view this is that God (or your higher power or whatever - no debate from me) gives you these incredible physical attributes in your teens, twenties and thirties. You are fit, alert, energetic and able to stay up all night if need be. And so the story goes. But here's the clincher. As we age, we become more of who we were meant to be. We develop our spiritual side, discover what we are passionate about, understand what we want and need to fulfill us and hopefully (although my girlfriends have differing opinions on this one), become better lovers to our partners and appreciate our own self fulfillment. OK - could have used different words. Unfortunately, a lot of us don't hold onto those looks - it's a mean trick don't you think?

So why not skip the number? Why not just age gracefully and ban yourself from marriage until at least 36? That way you are well into the life phase of understanding self, have had a chance to look around the neighborhood to see what's available, have completed those must do things you want to do by yourself, have screwed up and embarrassed yourself in every possible way, have observed all your friends who have made dumb & dumber selections for life partners and are now ready to find that one piece that will fit your puzzle. If it is a youngin', or maybe an intellect, or a foxy cougar, or a sports addict, or a loving family focused mother/father type or a rich overachieving work-a-holic... who cares? Because no one can question your choice having watched you do all the crazy things you needed to do before you "settled" down.

Maybe I am writing this for my daughter because generationally things were different for me. I just know I want her to experience everything there is to experience before she settles for anything that doesn't walk parallel to her, crossing her path every once in a while. It isn't two becomes one. It is two who respect, complement and love each other just as they are. You should never want to change the person that you love.

As far as Mr. "Needs to date a Thirty Something in his 70's" - you're really missing the boat. Somehow I think the gal you left behind is going to have a smashing life.